Sad..

Nine years ago I got sick and thought I was saying good bye forever. I was 16 and did not fear death. I was diagnosed to have Hodgkin's Lymphoma (an illness involving an increase in my white cell count) by almost every Hospital in my hometown. To assure my doctors, family, and myself that there is still hope for better results; they sent slides to the big city and the US. I didn't suffer much the next six months. I just hated the fact that everyone was being nice to me and took care of me in an extreme manner. Example, I could only eat vegetables..In school, I couldn't leave the premises unless I was picked up by the driver after classes. Imagine how a 16 year old would react to this? Then came the much awaited results. I had Necrotizing Lymphadenitis. It was a rare illness for girls who don't have a healthy diet. It may lead to something worse, but all in all I was okay. It was pretty much a miracle.

Lately, I've noticed a few abnormal things happening once again in my life. I've been having difficulty sleeping at night and tend to be extremely tired during the day. I've been really pale this past few days. And I'm not talking about my usual pale color, I'm seriously dead white. I've lost a lot of weight without the efforts of exercise. My eating habit has gone hay wire, I don't eat that much but I feel hungry all the time. I thought this was all psychological symptoms. But I've been feeling depressed even though I know I'm not. It's been years since I've experienced all these.

I'm scared. I don't know why I am, but I am. Never have I been this open about what I've been through. I think I'm scared because for once in my life you came along when everything in my life was all set. I was ready to reach out into the world. I was up for anything God threw my way. What I wasn't prepared for is you coming into my life and making it wonderful.

I pray to God, not now. Not when I'm happy.