Sunday, January 16, 2011

Losing Faith

I woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed. I didn't want to move at all. I was feeling heavy. I thought to myself is this what I get for being so happy the past months?

See, last weekend I went to this orientation thing about how getting a student visa is a faster way to work abroad. I was so devoured by the lecture that I even started working on my papers both for student and working visa. I kept myself busy the whole week. I've renewed my licenses..paid my taxes..even received my much awaited certificate of employment. I was so hyped about my plans..then it hit me..YOU!

You are the one person I did not expect to come into my life. Life was easier for me. I only had to think of myself. I could be selfish and no one would mind. But you came into the picture and brought color into my world of gray and white. You taught me how to smile again. You opened my hidden heart. You made me happy..

How can something this wonderful make me feel so selfish? When everything seems to be on the right track I thought of you. You are such a nice person to push me to follow my dreams. I feel so blessed to have someone as understanding as you. But how come it doesn't feel right? How come I'm too scared to take the next leap? After all this time, Distance was the only thing that shook me.

I pray each night that God would give me a sign. I trust you with all my heart. But I have to admit to myself that I still am scared...I'm still that little girl who needs to be assured that everything will be just fine.

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